Ellie Kildunne, one of England's most celebrated rugby players, has spoken candidly about a personal struggle that surfaced during the COVID‑19 lockdown in 2020. The former World Cup hero, who dazzled fans by scoring five tries during England's victorious campaign, including a spectacular solo effort in the 33‑13 final against Canada at the packed Allianz Stadium, has now turned her attention to a more private battle: body dysmorphia and an unhealthy relationship with food. In the lead‑up to the Red Roses' opening Six Nations match against Ireland—a game that ended in a 33‑12 triumph for England, with Kildunne adding another try to her tally—she sat down with BBC Sport to discuss the emotional aftermath of the World Cup win. While the victory brought immense pride and public adulation, it also left her feeling isolated, as she described feeling "really alone" after the high of the tournament.
Kildunne, who recently published her autobiography "Game Changer," explained that the sudden halt to competitive rugby during the pandemic forced her into a period of self‑reflection that quickly turned unhealthy. "I could probably see myself getting a little bit smaller, but then was still trying to chase being smaller on top of that," she told the BBC.
The lack of regular training sessions, physiotherapy appointments, and the daily camaraderie of teammates created a vacuum that allowed negative thoughts about her body to fester. She recounted how the absence of a structured team environment left her without the professional support that had previously helped her maintain both physical and mental health.
"I wasn't in that team environment with physios all the time, or my teammates," Kildunne said. "And body dysmorphia is such a funny thing, because I would have been small but I would see myself as bigger in the mirror." Looking back, she acknowledges how irrational those thoughts now seem. "It seems really stupid now, and I look back on it and don't know why I did it, but I just ended up having a terrible relationship with food," she admitted.
Within the rugby community, Kildunne is often described as a smaller player, yet in her own perception she felt oversized, creating a persistent sense of not belonging anywhere. "In the rugby world, I'm considered small, but in my world outside rugby, I was considered big, so I never really had that place where I felt comfortable, that I fit in," she explained. The turning point arrived during a physiotherapy session at her former club, Wasps.
Lead physiotherapist Emily Ross noticed Kildunne's distress and asked if she was alright. The question unlocked a floodgate of emotion. "I broke down in tears, probably because I've been waiting for someone to say that," Kildunne recalled. She recognised the problem but had not taken steps to address it until that moment of vulnerability.
"I knew I had a problem, but it was something that I wasn't even trying to stop." Speaking her truth out loud created a powerful sense of accountability. "But as soon as you say something out loud to somebody, that creates accountability. If I'm not stopping for me at this point, I'm stopping because I've told you and I don't want you to worry," she said.
From that conversation, Emily Ross became a crucial source of support, offering both professional guidance and personal empathy. Today, Kildunne feels she has regained control over her relationship with food and her body image. "I have finally started to realise the influence that I can have on other people, and I want to do more than I have been doing, because I really think that can help people," she said. She wants to use her platform to demonstrate that perfection is a myth, even for elite athletes.
"From the outside it all looks perfect, and I want to show people that no‑one's perfect. Just because I'm a rugby player for England doesn't make me this superhero. I want to relate to people that maybe are going through similar things and give them that friend and that support that I probably needed," she added. Kildunne now plays for Harlequins and continues to be an outspoken advocate for mental health awareness within sport.
Her story underscores the importance of open dialogue, professional support, and the courage to admit vulnerability, especially in high‑performance environments where athletes are often expected to appear invulnerable. By sharing her experience, she hopes to break down stigma, encourage others to seek help, and remind fans and fellow players alike that even champions face personal battles.
The broader conversation around body dysmorphia in women's sport is gaining momentum, with more athletes speaking out about the pressures of appearance, weight management, and performance expectations. Kildunne's willingness to discuss her own journey adds a valuable voice to this dialogue, highlighting that mental health resources are as vital as physical training regimes.
In summary, Ellie Kildunne's narrative is one of triumph, struggle, and resilience. From scoring decisive tries on the world stage to confronting a hidden battle with body image during a global pandemic, she exemplifies how vulnerability can become a source of strength. Her ongoing commitment to mental health advocacy promises to inspire not only her teammates at Harlequins and the Red Roses but also anyone who has ever felt alone in their fight against self‑doubt.