Ellie Kildunne, a prominent figure in England’s women’s rugby, has candidly discussed the personal challenges she faced with body dysmorphia—a struggle that intensified during the COVID‑19 lockdown of 2020. The 2022 Rugby World Cup showcased Kildunne’s exceptional talent when she crossed the try‑line five times for England, including a spectacular solo run that helped secure a 33‑13 victory over Canada in the tournament’s final at the packed Allianz Stadium.
Yet, the euphoria of that triumph was soon eclipsed by an inner turmoil that left her feeling isolated and self‑critical. Ahead of the Red Roses’ Six Nations opening match against Ireland—a game in which England emerged victorious with a 33‑12 scoreline and Kildunne added another try to her tally—she sat down with BBC Sport to reflect on the emotional aftermath of the World Cup win. She described a profound sense of loneliness that followed the high of lifting the trophy, noting how the sudden quiet after such a monumental achievement left her grappling with her own self‑image.
During the pandemic, Kildunne was forced to step away from competitive rugby, a circumstance that disrupted the routine support system she relied on, including regular interactions with physiotherapists and teammates. In the absence of that structured environment, she began to obsess over her weight, attempting to become “a little bit smaller” while simultaneously chasing an ever‑shrinking ideal of herself.
This paradoxical pursuit manifested as an unhealthy relationship with food and a distorted perception of her own body. In her recently published autobiography, *Game Changer*, Kildunne explains, “I wasn’t surrounded by the team environment—physios, coaches, fellow players—on a daily basis.
Body dysmorphia is a strange thing; I would look in the mirror and see myself as larger than I actually was, even though I was already considered small in rugby terms.” She acknowledges that, in hindsight, her behavior seemed “really stupid,” but at the time it spiraled into a full‑blown eating disorder that left her feeling out of place both on and off the field. The turning point arrived during a physiotherapy session at her former club, Wasps. Lead physiotherapist Emily Ross noticed Kildunne’s distress and asked if she was alright.
Overcome with emotion, Kildunne broke down in tears, finally voicing a concern she had been carrying silently for months. “I knew I had a problem, but I wasn’t actively trying to stop it,” she recalled. “When you say it out loud, it creates accountability. I couldn’t keep ignoring it when someone else was aware.” Emily’s compassionate response sparked a series of honest conversations that transformed Kildunne’s approach to her mental health.
The physiotherapist became a steadfast ally, offering both professional guidance and personal support. Kildunne now describes feeling “in control” of her relationship with food and her body image, noting that discussing the issue no longer triggers the same anxiety it once did.
Beyond her personal recovery, Kildunne recognizes the platform she holds as an England international and Harlequins player. She says, “I’m beginning to understand the influence I can have on others, and I want to do more than I have been doing because I truly believe I can help people.” She emphasizes that the polished exterior of a professional athlete can be misleading; perfection is a myth. “Just because I play rugby for England doesn’t make me a superhero,” she asserts.
“I want to connect with anyone who might be experiencing similar struggles, offering the friendship and support I wish I had received earlier.” Kildunne’s story underscores the broader issue of mental health in elite sport, especially for women athletes who often contend with societal pressures about body size and appearance. Her openness contributes to a growing conversation about how clubs, governing bodies, and teammates can create safer, more supportive environments that prioritize psychological well‑being alongside physical performance. In the months following her disclosure, Kildunne has taken proactive steps to raise awareness. She has participated in panel discussions, contributed to mental‑health campaigns, and used her social media platforms to share resources for those battling eating disorders and body‑image issues.
By speaking publicly, she hopes to dismantle the stigma that keeps many athletes silent and to encourage a culture where seeking help is seen as a sign of strength rather than weakness. Kildunne’s journey from a World Cup hero to a vocal advocate for mental health illustrates the complex reality behind the headlines.
While her on‑field achievements continue to inspire fans worldwide, her willingness to confront personal vulnerability offers a powerful reminder that even the most accomplished athletes are human, with their own battles to fight. Through her story, she aims to empower others to recognize their worth beyond physical metrics and to seek the support they deserve, ultimately fostering a more compassionate and inclusive sporting community.