Ellie Kildunne, one of England's most celebrated rugby players, has recently spoken candidly about the personal challenges she faced with body dysmorphia during the COVID‑19 lockdown in 2020. The former Wasps full‑back, who helped England clinch the Rugby World Cup by scoring five tries—including a stunning solo effort in the 33‑13 final against Canada—found herself grappling with a distorted self‑image after the euphoria of that triumph faded. In the lead‑up to the Red Roses' Six Nations opener against Ireland, a match that ended in a 33‑12 victory with Kildunne adding another try to her tally, she sat down with BBC Sport to discuss the sense of isolation she felt after the World Cup win. "I felt really alone," she admitted, describing how the high of the championship was quickly followed by an unsettling quiet when competitive rugby was put on hold.
The lockdown period forced many athletes to pause their training routines, and for Kildunne, the lack of daily contact with teammates, physiotherapists, and the structured environment of professional sport created a vacuum. "I wasn't in that team environment with physios all the time, or my teammates," she explained. Without that support network, she began to obsess over her body size, attempting to make herself smaller while simultaneously feeling that she looked larger in the mirror.
This paradoxical perception is a hallmark of body dysmorphia, a mental health condition where individuals fixate on perceived flaws that are often invisible to others. Kildunne's struggle manifested as an unhealthy relationship with food and a drive to lose weight that bordered on an eating disorder.
"I could probably see myself getting a little bit smaller, but then was still trying to chase being smaller on top of that," she told the BBC. She noted that within the rugby community she is regarded as relatively small, yet in her personal life she felt oversized, leaving her without a clear sense of belonging or comfort. The turning point came during a physiotherapy session at her former club, Wasps. Lead physiotherapist Emily Ross noticed something was amiss and asked Kildunne if she was okay.
The question unlocked a flood of emotions, and Kildunne broke down in tears, saying, "I think I was waiting for someone to say that." She confessed that she had known she had a problem but had never taken concrete steps to address it. "As soon as you say something out loud to somebody, that creates accountability," she reflected. By voicing her concerns, she felt compelled to change her behavior, not wanting to cause worry for those around her.
Emily Ross became a vital source of support, offering an honest conversation that helped Kildunne confront her distorted self‑image. Since then, Kildunne reports feeling more in control of her thoughts and emotions. "I can talk about it and it doesn't trigger me anymore," she said, indicating a significant shift in her mental health journey.
Beyond her personal recovery, Kildunne is now focused on using her platform to help others. She has recently published an autobiography titled *Game Changer*, in which she details her experiences on and off the field. "I have finally started to realise the influence that I can have on other people, and I want to do more than I have been doing, because I really think that can help people," she expressed.
She wants to dismantle the myth of perfection that often surrounds elite athletes. "From the outside it all looks perfect, and I want to show people that no‑one's perfect," she added. Kildunne emphasizes that being an England rugby player does not make her a superhero.
She hopes her story will resonate with anyone struggling with body image issues, offering a relatable voice and a reminder that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. "Just because I'm a rugby player for England doesn't make me this superhero.
And I want to relate to people that maybe are going through similar things and give them that friend and that support that I probably needed," she concluded. Now playing for Harlequins, Kildunne continues to excel on the pitch while advocating for mental health awareness in sport.
Her openness about body dysmorphia and eating disorders adds an important narrative to the conversation about athlete wellbeing, highlighting the need for continuous support systems, even when competitions are paused. By sharing her journey, she hopes to inspire fellow athletes and fans alike to prioritize mental health, seek help when needed, and recognize that vulnerability can be a powerful catalyst for positive change.