Ellie Kildunne, one of England's most recognizable rugby talents, has candidly shared the personal challenges she faced with body dysmorphia during the COVID‑19 lockdown of 2020. The 23‑year‑old full‑back, who helped the Red Roses secure a historic Rugby World Cup triumph last year by crossing the try‑line five times—including a spectacular solo effort in the 33‑13 final against Canada—has spoken publicly about the emotional fallout that followed that high‑profile success. In the lead‑up to the Red Roses' Six Nations opener against Ireland, a match that ended in a 33‑12 victory for England with Kildunne herself adding another try to her tally, she sat down with BBC Sport to discuss feeling "really alone" after the euphoria of the World Cup faded. The lockdown period, which forced the suspension of competitive rugby, left her without the daily structure of training, physiotherapy sessions, and the camaraderie of her teammates.
In that vacuum, Kildunne began to wrestle with an unhealthy preoccupation with her body size and shape. "I could probably see myself getting a little bit smaller, but then was still trying to chase being smaller on top of that," Kildunne explained, referencing the contradictory impulses that drove her toward extreme weight loss. She further detailed how the absence of a supportive team environment—physios, coaches, and fellow players—allowed the disorder to fester. "I wasn't in that team environment with physios all the time, or my teammates," she said, highlighting how isolation amplified her negative self‑image.
Body dysmorphia, she noted, is a paradoxical condition: "I would have been small but I would see myself as bigger in the mirror." This distorted perception led her to develop a toxic relationship with food, oscillating between restrictive eating and emotional distress. "It seems really stupid now, and I look back on it and don't know why I did it, but I just ended up having a terrible relationship with food," she reflected.
Kildunne's experience underscores a broader truth in elite sport: athletes are often judged by external standards that may not align with their internal sense of self. In the rugby world, she is considered small for a full‑back, yet outside of sport she perceived herself as large, leaving her in a liminal space where she never felt fully accepted.
"Maybe I was rebelling against everything, but not knowing what I was trying to aim for at the same time," she admitted, capturing the confusion that many athletes feel when trying to reconcile personal identity with professional expectations. The turning point arrived during a routine physiotherapy session at her former club, Wasps. Lead physiotherapist Emily Ross noticed Kildunne's distress and asked directly if she was okay.
The simple question unlocked a floodgate of emotion. "I broke down in tears, probably because I've been waiting for someone to say that," Kildunne recalled. She recognized that she had been aware of a problem but had never confronted it head‑on.
"I knew I had a problem, but it was something that I wasn't even trying to stop," she said. Speaking the issue aloud created a sense of accountability.
"If I'm not stopping for me at this point, I'm stopping because I've told you and I don't want you to worry," Kildunne explained, emphasizing how verbalizing the struggle forced her to take concrete steps toward recovery. Emily Ross became a pivotal source of support, offering a safe space for honest conversation and helping Kildunne develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Since that pivotal moment, Kildunne reports feeling "in control now" and has learned to discuss her experiences without being triggered. She has also begun to recognize the platform she occupies as a public figure.
"I have finally started to realise the influence that I can have on other people, and I want to do more than I have been doing, because I really think that can help people," she said, expressing a desire to use her story as a catalyst for change. Kildunne's message is clear: perfection is an illusion. "From the outside it all looks perfect, and I want to show people that no‑one's perfect," she affirmed. She wants to dismantle the myth that being an England rugby player equates to invincibility.
"Just because I'm a rugby player for England doesn't make me this superhero. And I want to relate to people that maybe are going through similar things and give them that friend and that support that I probably needed," she added.
In addition to her on‑field achievements, Kildunne has recently published an autobiography titled "Game Changer," where she delves deeper into her journey, offering insight into the mental health challenges that can accompany elite sport. Her openness contributes to a growing conversation about athlete wellbeing, encouraging clubs, governing bodies, and fans to prioritize mental health alongside physical performance. Today, Kildunne plays for Harlequins, where she continues to excel while advocating for healthier attitudes toward body image and mental health.
Her story serves as a reminder that even the most successful athletes can struggle with self‑perception, and that seeking help—whether from a physiotherapist, a teammate, or a mental‑health professional—can be the first step toward healing. By sharing her experience, Ellie Kildunne hopes to inspire others to break the silence, seek support, and recognize that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.